The Only Living Boy in New York

matt_space @ 2007-11-12T20:44:00

2007-11-13T01:45:43Z

CHECK OUT MY PHOTOGRAPHY!! : http://mb30d.deviantart.com/

matt_space @ 2007-09-04T01:39:00

2007-09-04T05:39:29Z

Let me apologize for my insatiable desire
To be at all times by your side
And please try to understand when I describe to you
This aching in my heart each moment we’re apart
I am merely half the boy that I can be
When you are far from me
When you are gone, I am a joke without a punch line;
A laugh without a smile
I am a brush without a canvas,
And a boastful sunset without a soul to watch it disappear
So as I lie here in my bed, I remind you how I love you,
Hoping that you hear
I eagerly await the pleasant interruption
Of the ringing of my phone
Your voice inside my head gives solitude a melody
Of an unfamiliar tone

So let’s talk about the future
And the places we will go
Let’s talk about that big house
We will one day call our own
Perched high above that great lake
We will someday call our home
Its tides will be the music
To which we have memorized each word
Its tides will be the music and we will sing along
To each and every word
We will stay awake together
When the night is fast asleep
We will count stars instead because
They’re just more fun than sheep
With the sand between our toes,
We will reminisce of when we were kids
And our heads were filled with
I wish we coulds and I don’t knows
But tonight my head is filled with you
And that’s okay with me
I’m in love. I’m so in love
This is how we are and this is how we’ll be.

matt_space @ 2007-08-13T17:22:00

2007-08-13T21:27:29Z

so i havent updated in a long time due to my increasingly lazy personality. but a lot has been going on. i recently started working for a company called SE video, shooting weddings. they are a lot of fun. its just so much fun being around people who are all drunk and having a great time. they are always very touching as well. it makes me want to go to more weddings and just hang out instead of having to film. i wish there were people in my family who were going to get married soon. but the outlook is not so good. i also started dating gillian. i guess we have really liked each other for a while but we only made it official recently. so basicaly nothing has changed. but its just cool that now we know its real. i love being with her. we have the same goofy personalities and rediculous senses of humor. its just so much fun being around her. so i guess thats basically all for now.

matt_space @ 2007-07-19T02:53:00

2007-07-19T06:53:44Z

went to the bar with kyle. hung out with erin. good night.

matt_space @ 2007-07-15T17:33:00

2007-07-15T21:38:16Z

so i went to abby paul's grad party last night. it was so much fun. i got to see abby for the first time in like...2 years and i met some cool new people. we all had a great time looking up music videos of old songs....none of which i will name but they were all classics. gillian was also there which was sweet. ive been hanging out with her a lot lately. we went to the east end fest the other night. we didnt know we were going to but when we got down there we were greeted by mobs of drunk people congesting the streets. it smelled like..urinals and beer. the street was covered in plastic cups. it was pretty gross. but it made for an interesting night.

matt_space @ 2007-07-05T18:56:00

2007-07-05T22:59:37Z

haha i saw this in some girl's away message today. it made me laugh:

mr bateman ferry (11:14:51 PM): if i had a heart im sure u would have it....

so what this person was trying to say is that he does NOT have a heart..because he must be pure evil but if he DID have a heart, the GIRL would have it, meaning that no matter what, he will never have a heart. hahahah...oh god, that kills me..

matt_space @ 2007-07-04T21:33:00

2007-07-05T01:33:52Z

matt_space @ 2007-07-03T20:55:00

2007-07-04T00:55:41Z

matt_space @ 2007-06-27T10:48:00

2007-06-27T14:57:40Z

i cant stop thinking about those girls that died. i didnt know any of them personally but i remember seeing bailey goodman and katherine shirley in school. i remember i always thought of them as the really pretty "popular" girls. but i guess none of that shit matters now. idk i mean...its so chilling and unreal. when something like this happens...suddenly all of our stupid problems and our bullshit drama and nonsense that we dwell on every day doesnt mean anything and you realize what really matters. i cant even imagine what their parents must be going through. its just so horrible to think that they never even had grad parties. and they will never know what its like to be married to someone you truly love. and they will never know what its like to raise a child or have grandchildren. i just dont know what to do with myself and i didnt even know them. what a horrible way to go.

matt_space @ 2007-06-26T10:24:00

2007-06-26T14:28:23Z

so i saw this movie, "once" last night. it was so awesome. it was probably the best movie ive seen all year. i dont want to give anything away so all i will say is that you HAVE to go see it. its a really beautiful movie. after that me, louis and courtney went to mendon ponds which was nice except for the relentless mosquitos. also...i think today i think i will go buy some more paint and finish painting my car. i cant drive around with this two tone vehicle anymore. ugh i think today is going to be another scorcher. oh well...thats all.

matt_space @ 2007-06-25T16:49:00

2007-06-25T20:50:35Z

me and louis went to tory's grad party yesterday. it was a sweet party. a lot of fun. a lot of cool kids there. and then there was a sweet bonfire later after it got dark. it was definitely a night well spent. so happy graduation to TORY! woooo!!

matt_space @ 2007-06-23T09:16:00

2007-06-23T13:43:50Z

lately ive been feeling like maybe i need to stop hanging out with all these kids. and when i say kids, im not just using that as a general term for people. i really mean KIDS. this doesnt apply to ALL of the people i hang out with but with some, i just suddenly feel out of place and just really lame for hanging out with them. like all these kids are just graduating from highschool. i just feel like i need to start spending more time with people my own age because i do NOT want to turn into that guy who still parties with 17 and 18 year olds. thats just weird. but like i said...this doesnt apply to everyone i know. i just hate to see kids wasting their lives getting drunk and high in their basements every night without giving any thought to their future or what they want to do with their life. i mean life is all about having fun and making the most out of every moment but lets be honest, being drunk all the time wont pay the bills. i just feel bad for a lot of kids. two years out of highschool and still doing nothing with their life. i mean...thats pathetic. im just not going to let myself be surrounded by burn outs, drunks and kids with empty, insignificant, meaningless lives anymore. i dont want to hear about how theyre working 5 jobs and taking a couple classes on the side or how they think it would be so awesome to do this, or such a dream to do that, or how they would love to do this for a living. just get the fuck out there and do it then. theres more to life then cigarettes, beer, pot and junk food. and i just hope that im not the only one that can see that. or at least not the only one that cares. take your passions, your interests, your hobbies and turn them into the foundation for the rest of your life.

matt_space @ 2007-06-22T19:42:00

2007-06-22T23:42:54Z

matt_space @ 2007-06-20T20:58:00

2007-06-21T00:59:53Z

so i went and saw jenna at subway today. i havent hung out with her in what feels like a long time. but we had a good conversation. it was nice seeing her again. maybe i will hang out with her tomorrow? who knows.

matt_space @ 2007-06-18T21:26:00

2007-06-19T01:30:09Z

so my current endeavor is re-painting my car. im painting it a flat black color. in other words, non glossy black. its looking really sweet. im just using cans of spray paint so its really amateur but hey...whatever gets the job done. hahah. and im a little light headed right now. i should have bought a mask. oh well. but on a separate note, its really good to be home! i will miss the city but like i said, its good to be home. i got my whole life ahead of me now. okay well im going to go raid the kitchen before the movies. im going to go see knocked up with my friend amanda. whom i have not seen in forever. so it should be a good time. SEEYA!

matt_space @ 2007-06-14T11:48:00

2007-06-14T16:01:54Z

man so last night i went to this bar with a big group of kids from school. most of whom i did not know. but since i had no money, i also had no beer except for one that garrett bought me so this is what i did. i left and went back to my apartment where i retrieved three beers that i had in the fridge and brought them back to the bar and drank them there. haha. but yeah it was a sweet fucking party. everyone was having a great time and then after we left, a bunch of us went to this other hookah bar and on the way, we were giving everyone high fives all around. hahah it was a good time. we were bringing high spirits to the east village! we ended up spending almost 700 dollars at the first bar. pretty unbelievable. thats a lot of fucking alcohol. hahah. i think im going to give my liver a break for a little while.

on a separate note, while i was home last night, i was talking to erin online for a moment and she asked me if we were friends again and i told that i didnt know. ive been thinking about that lately even before she asked me. i mean, when we are on good terms, i enjoy talking to her and spending time with her but i know that its only a matter of time before some argument arises or erin does something to piss me off which sparks some other vicious argument. and every time we fight, erin always says such mean, nasty things and i dont know if she means those things or if shes just talking out of her ass because she's upset. either way, i just dont know if our friendship is worth having to deal with her occasional bullshit. i mean she is a lot younger than me and now that im getting older, that difference in not only age, but also maturity is really starting to show through. i mean its a little sad because last summer we had a lot of great times together but i mean, im 21 years old. do i really want to be hanging out with 17 year old girls anymore? or more importantly, do i really want to be putting up with drama and stupid nonsense from 17 year old girls anymore. i mean shes a lot of fun when we're doing well. shes spunky and full of life and shes always ready to go do something exciting or go have a good time. but theres just certain things she does and says that make me think, how good of a friend does she really consider me? or how much does she really value my friendship, if at all?

matt_space @ 2007-06-13T11:16:00

2007-06-13T15:24:43Z

wow what a sweet night last night was. CARTEL was amazing. fucking awesome. i had to stand in torrential down pour before everyone got in and i was soaked to the bone. it was like i was in the shower. but it was still sweet. and then i came home and me, garrett and julian hung out. they had a few mikes hard beers. (bwahahahah) and i had real beer and ended up getting pretty wasted and then we went to a hookah bar and i was laying on the sidewalk half the time or leaning up against a tree trying to vomit. i never did though. i met two guys on the street from london that were making a film about that band funeral for a friend. which is really sweet. i mean i dont like them, but still thats mad cool. i gave em directions to their hotel. i cant believe i was able to do that. a few cops drove past me while i was outside which made me real nervous but they didnt stop or anything. i am coming home in....FOUR days!! wooooo! im so excited. theres a loud ass mother fucking jackhammer outside. okay i think thats all i got. toodles

matt_space @ 2007-06-12T12:37:00

2007-06-12T17:03:41Z

i cant trust you anymore. you told me you were just friends, and obviously that wasnt the case. you always say you love me and i dont believe that anymore either. i guess being honest with someone who is at least under the assumption that you are both good friends is just too much to ask these days. thats fine but i just hope you know that you've ruined any possibilities for us to be friends again. how can i be your friend after all of this? your a liar and i would never lie to you. you obviously have no consideration for anyone but yourself. i mean why the hell did i have to find out about all of this through fucking live journal?? maybe if you were to have talked to me about this we would be okay right now. that would have shown me that you at least cared about how i feel. but you didnt do that. instead you just lied to me. yeah, cool, i love you too. YOU fucked this up, not me so dont even try to turn the tables on this one. BYE have a nice life.

matt_space @ 2007-06-08T18:21:00

2007-06-08T22:21:45Z

i got glasses! hah...so i hope they look good. but if they dont, oh well..i like em, ill wear em anyway

matt_space @ 2007-06-08T14:04:00

2007-06-08T18:05:43Z

yeah so kim and melissa just left. its kind of sad. i feel so lonely in this empty apartment now! but it was definitely one of the best weeks ive had in NYC this year. they will be missed. but it was certainly a bonding experience for us. and im basically done with school!!!! but it will also be very bittersweet leaving this apartment. this has been my home for 9 months!!

matt_space @ 2007-06-06T16:22:00

2007-06-06T20:22:20Z

...enough said

matt_space @ 2007-06-04T18:02:00

2007-06-04T22:02:22Z

matt_space @ 2007-06-02T17:48:00

2007-06-02T21:50:20Z

this fly didnt budge no matter how close i got so i kept getting closer and closer until my camera wouldnt focus.

matt_space @ 2007-06-02T00:14:00

2007-06-02T04:16:09Z

so once again i turned to jessica to vent the stress and drama and emo-ness of my life and she made me feel a lot better about today and certain situations in general. but also this cheered me up:

matt_space @ 2007-06-01T16:15:00

2007-06-01T20:32:29Z

i hate my life right now. my self esteem is at an all time low and i just feel like i have no close friends anymore. i mean i know im throwing myself a little pitty party right now but i just feel like shit. i dont even know how to explain it....well i could explain one thing that really hurt me right now but i dont want to talk about it here. idk i feel im second best with the few people that mean the most to me. i guess i feel really alone sometimes lately. ive been having a lot of these mood swings lately it seems. i dont want to feel like this anymore. i wish i could just let certain things roll off my back. but its like im covered in fly paper and every little thing sticks to me. it seems like a lot of people make me feel really shitty about myself lately even though they dont mean to or realize it. i just need someone who can make me feel wanted and loved and alive. or at least not invisible. i hate feeling like this and then wishing i had someone to talk to. someone who understands or at least cares. i know no one really cares even if they say they do and i guess i dont expect them to. i mean we live in a world where we are the most important people to us. i just need someone to talk to. someone to listen. someone to genuinely care.