The · Only · Living · Boy · in · New · York

Let me apologize for my insatiable desire
To be at all times by your side
And please try to understand when I describe to you
This aching in my heart each moment we’re apart
I am merely half the boy that I can be
When you are far from me
When you are gone, I am a joke without a punch line;
A laugh without a smile
I am a brush without a canvas,
And a boastful sunset without a soul to watch it disappear
So as I lie here in my bed, I remind you how I love you,
Hoping that you hear
I eagerly await the pleasant interruption
Of the ringing of my phone
Your voice inside my head gives solitude a melody
Of an unfamiliar tone

So let’s talk about the future
And the places we will go
Let’s talk about that big house
We will one day call our own
Perched high above that great lake
We will someday call our home
Its tides will be the music
To which we have memorized each word
Its tides will be the music and we will sing along
To each and every word
We will stay awake together
When the night is fast asleep
We will count stars instead because
They’re just more fun than sheep
With the sand between our toes,
We will reminisce of when we were kids
And our heads were filled with
I wish we coulds and I don’t knows
But tonight my head is filled with you
And that’s okay with me
I’m in love. I’m so in love
This is how we are and this is how we’ll be.

so i havent updated in a long time due to my increasingly lazy personality. but a lot has been going on. i recently started working for a company called SE video, shooting weddings. they are a lot of fun. its just so much fun being around people who are all drunk and having a great time. they are always very touching as well. it makes me want to go to more weddings and just hang out instead of having to film. i wish there were people in my family who were going to get married soon. but the outlook is not so good. i also started dating gillian. i guess we have really liked each other for a while but we only made it official recently. so basicaly nothing has changed. but its just cool that now we know its real. i love being with her. we have the same goofy personalities and rediculous senses of humor. its just so much fun being around her. so i guess thats basically all for now.

went to the bar with kyle. hung out with erin. good night.

so i went to abby paul's grad party last night. it was so much fun. i got to see abby for the first time in like...2 years and i met some cool new people. we all had a great time looking up music videos of old songs....none of which i will name but they were all classics. gillian was also there which was sweet. ive been hanging out with her a lot lately. we went to the east end fest the other night. we didnt know we were going to but when we got down there we were greeted by mobs of drunk people congesting the streets. it smelled like..urinals and beer. the street was covered in plastic cups. it was pretty gross. but it made for an interesting night.

haha i saw this in some girl's away message today. it made me laugh:

mr bateman ferry (11:14:51 PM): if i had a heart im sure u would have it....

so what this person was trying to say is that he does NOT have a heart..because he must be pure evil but if he DID have a heart, the GIRL would have it, meaning that no matter what, he will never have a heart. hahahah...oh god, that kills me..

i cant stop thinking about those girls that died. i didnt know any of them personally but i remember seeing bailey goodman and katherine shirley in school. i remember i always thought of them as the really pretty "popular" girls. but i guess none of that shit matters now. idk i mean...its so chilling and unreal. when something like this happens...suddenly all of our stupid problems and our bullshit drama and nonsense that we dwell on every day doesnt mean anything and you realize what really matters. i cant even imagine what their parents must be going through. its just so horrible to think that they never even had grad parties. and they will never know what its like to be married to someone you truly love. and they will never know what its like to raise a child or have grandchildren. i just dont know what to do with myself and i didnt even know them. what a horrible way to go.

so i saw this movie, "once" last night. it was so awesome. it was probably the best movie ive seen all year. i dont want to give anything away so all i will say is that you HAVE to go see it. its a really beautiful movie. after that me, louis and courtney went to mendon ponds which was nice except for the relentless mosquitos. also...i think today i think i will go buy some more paint and finish painting my car. i cant drive around with this two tone vehicle anymore. ugh i think today is going to be another scorcher. oh well...thats all.